I have known all my life that I was special. I have known all my life that God wanted me and had a purpose for me. I’ve been told by many people over the years that God has big plans for me.
My birthday is September 1, 1983.
My due date was December 17, 1983.
16 days old.
I weighed one pound and ten ounces. I fitted in the palm of my Dad’s hand.
Mum was in her 25th week of pregnancy when a kidney infection started early labor. Our little home had no telephone, so my mum went next door to the butcher and asked them to call the hospital.
“You can’t be in labor,” the butcher said.
She looked at them. “Well, I am.”
Once she arrived at the hospital in our little town, they tried to stop the labor. To no avail. The doctors called the bigger hospital an hour away to ask for advice. The reply was short.
“Babies born that early can’t be saved.”
They put me in a kidney dish and placed a towel placed over me. The nurse was instructed to take me away into another room so that my mother wouldn’t be distressed at my passing.
The nurse pulled back the towel and found my big brown eyes staring up at her. I was kicking.
An hour passes and I’m still kicking. The nurse asks the doctor if she can put me in a humidity crib. He agrees.
Another hour passes and I’m still kicking.
Finally, someone calls a hospital in Sydney and explains the situation.
They say emphatically. “We can help her.”
They wrapped me in aluminum foil and flew me to Sydney where I spent the next three months. By early December, about the time I was supposed to be born, I was home with my family.
One month old
Almost two months old. With my mum and sister Helen.
During those three months in hospital, my parents drove the six hours to Sydney every single weekend.
Growing up, people at church would always ask “Where is the miracle baby?” People (strangers to me) would come up and pinch my cheeks, tell me they prayed for me.
I didn’t truly understand the situation until I became an adult and a mother myself.
I vividly recall a time I was visiting my Dad in hospital. At the time I was a twenty-something adult. A nurse walked into the room, looked between me and my sister, Helen, and asked, “Which one is Jessica?”
“I am.”
She smiled and said, “There is not a premature baby that is born in this hospital where your story isn’t mentioned.”
All my life I’ve known that God has a plan for me. A big plan. Why else would he save me so amazingly?
It’s something I’ve lived with since I can remember. I’m so grateful that God loves and saved me. I’m so grateful for the nurse who advocated for me and for the nurses and doctors who cared for me all those months in Sydney. I’m so grateful for the prayers that went around the world for me.
But there was a disquiet in me that was growing slowly as the years went by. I was saved for a purpose. So then, what is my purpose?
I’m not doing anything spectacular with my life. I lead a quiet life loving my husband, our kids, being involved in our church, hanging out with friends. Trying to exercise more, learning to be a more patient person (Mum always said I was in a hurry).
Where is the spectacular? Where is this “amazing purpose” God has for me?
Anyone who knows me knows I love reading and that I’m on a journey to becoming a published author. I love romance books and my favorite genre is contemporary Christian fiction romance.
Some people feel God speaks to them through these books. That doesn’t happen for me and I’m okay with that. I read for pure enjoyment.
Then I came along Stay with Me by Becky Wade. And for the first time, I felt God speaking to me through a Christian fiction romance novel.
The book is about Gen, who along with four others was miraculously saved as a young teen. Due to the miraculous saving, Gen felt she owed God for saving her. This drove her to live a larger-than-life Christian life.
We meet Gen when her perfect life is unraveling and it’s then she meets Sam, the hero of the story.
I was struck by the thought that Gen owed God for the way he saved her. I have never personally felt I owed God, but I have felt that because I was not doing amazing things for him, that I was somehow lacking. That I had missed my purpose.
When I read this part of the book, I realized that yes, God has a plan for me, but he has a plan for ALL of us. I also realized that God saved me because he loves me. I – me – alone was enough of a reason to save me. I don’t have to do amazing things in order to justify my miraculous birth. Jesus loves me and that was enough. I am enough.
December 3rd. Back at home. Dad with big sis looking on.
December 4. First time at church.
We live in a world that tells us we have to be better, thinner, always achieving something in order to be worthy. Don’t get me wrong, God wants us to walk closer with him and that changes us when we let him in. But he doesn’t want us to owe him, or try so hard to please him that we forget why we love him: Because he first loved us.
I hope you read this and remember that you are worthy of God’s love simply because he made you and chose you.
I am enough for God.
You are enough for God.
This is a beautiful story, Jess—and I believe I do see at least part of the plan God has for you: your writing.
Thank you for sharing.
Thanks, Candace. I’ve felt for a while now that God wants me to share my story publicly. And I think it’s something worth sharing. 🙂
Beautiful story Jess. Thank you for being roar and honest with sharing your birth journey. You just spoke to me thru your story reminding me again of God’s wonderful love over my own life. I was given away as a baby at 5months, taken to another country where I grew up until the age of 10yrs old when I was made to return to my biological parents and siblings… much of the years after this was a struggle to finding my true identity. With God anything is possible I don’t know where I would be without Him.
Thank you for reminding us of this Truth. He has a great plan for your life Jess. Keep writing xx
Hi Mary,
I’m sorry you were given away as a baby. That must have been so hard. I’m glad you stayed alongside Jesus through it all. Life is hard and confusing sometimes, but he is ever faithful in the big and small things. And yes, he loved us before the world was thought of. He saw us and cared for us. God bless,
Jess 🙂 xo
“I am enough”…..that is such a powerful statement of God’s love and grace! I loved reading your story.
Suzy
Thanks, Suzy. I think we don’t, in general, let God really love us. I know I don’t. But we can keep trying and keep reminding ourselves that we are enough because he first loved us. 🙂
Beautiful testimony ❤
Thank you! God never ceases to amaze me. 🙂
I distinctly remember the day you were born because that very same day we lost our black cocker spaniel (coincidentally also named Jessica!!) who had been hit by a car on the road in front of our house. I was feeling so sad until our pastor’s wife stopped in and told me about your premature birth, and it put my sorrow in perspective. At that stage I didn’t have any children of my own yet, but was expecting our first who was due half a month before you, so I could well imagine what your mum must have been experiencing! I’ve often marvelled at the miracle of your survival and am so pleased to see how you are honouring God’s gift of life to you!
I didn’t know you lost your dog the same day Karen! That’s a memorable day. Joanna and I would have been closer in age if I’d been on time! 🙂
Jess, I love this so much.
It’s funny how a wonderful, miraculous ending puts an unseen pressure on those who survive or thrive or come out of danger unscathed… especially when others don’t.
Aunt Marge was a seven month baby born in the thirties… and they put her in a tiny dresser drawer next to the wood stove and tended her on the first floor… she lived into her sixties. 🙂
I find that living a normal, blessed and sharing, caring life should be enough… but I see the way you reach out to others, the way you bless so many, the way your joy is shared, and the work of your hands… You know the hymn “These Alone Are Enough”? The one that talks about offering up our everyday lives for Jesus…. That’s us simple folks who try to do the right thing and succeed at times while we fail at others.
I love this blog. It says so much without saying too much.
God blessed us with you.
And that is more than enough.
Aw, Ruthy, your words are beautiful! Love hearing about your aunt Margie. It’s not the first time I’ve heard that about a preemie baby born in that era.
I love offering up our everyday lives and that’s just what I do. I often say to Jesus, “just do whatever in today.” I think it’s so important to offer up the everyday.
God bless you back lovely lady.
Kisses and hugs 🙂
You know Jess, when we had to return home from our mission field in 1997, we wondered why God sent us there in the first place, just to learn the Spanish for two years? We may never know this side of eternity.
You, on the other hand, I believe you have the reason why you survived your premmy birth…
I listened to your sister’s tribute to you and in my great and mind God told me that she is a Christian because you witnessed and ministered to her. Praise God you two have a sister to share life with and not only life, a Christ-filled life!
God bless you both, your parents would be proud.
Thanks for such lovely words, Marianne. Words are blessings 🙂